"But I do tend to think that these things are exceptions..."
For me, they weren't exceptions, so I realized I was full of shit and adopted the Graham rule. Moreover, in my experience (starting from my parents' relationship), even a single failure can be enormously destructive.
But I agree that getting to know people helps. One woman from the schoolyard parents club (I was usually the only father present) introduced herself to me by saying she was wearing nothing under her winter gear. I just kinda let that blow by and got to know her, and she actually became a good friend to me and my wife, like lunch date when in town friends.
But more commonly, its getting to know their families. If I get to know a husband, I've been through these enough to know how something with me will affect him, and so far that's been enough to trigger my feelings of community and obligation to defend it and shelve any interest I may have in exploring any sexual tension with his spouse.
That closing paragraph was so beautifully put. True friendship mitigates against abuse far more effectively than blanket policies.
The whole issue of the E church devaluing anyone BUT (non-LGBT) nuclear families (pref large ones) deserves its own post.
"But I do tend to think that these things are exceptions..."
For me, they weren't exceptions, so I realized I was full of shit and adopted the Graham rule. Moreover, in my experience (starting from my parents' relationship), even a single failure can be enormously destructive.
But I agree that getting to know people helps. One woman from the schoolyard parents club (I was usually the only father present) introduced herself to me by saying she was wearing nothing under her winter gear. I just kinda let that blow by and got to know her, and she actually became a good friend to me and my wife, like lunch date when in town friends.
But more commonly, its getting to know their families. If I get to know a husband, I've been through these enough to know how something with me will affect him, and so far that's been enough to trigger my feelings of community and obligation to defend it and shelve any interest I may have in exploring any sexual tension with his spouse.